You're Definitely Better Off With Me

The 20th (until 21st) of June, my sleepless supposed-to-be-sleeping time was spent switching between radio stations, and my music player. I came across this show on the radio (think it's called, "Playground, with DJ Guile and The Big Daddy") on Magic 89.9, show's got nothing to do with what I want to talk about, but, they did play this song by Taylor Swift, "You Belong With Me" (click HERE so you could listen to this song, if you haven't heard of it yet). It's a pretty cool song, so I listened to the lyrics well. After hearing the song for the first time, I was all, like, "Sweet. Another 'I know you really like this far superior person than me but that person treats you like trash and I think you don't deserve the pain you're trying to endure with putting up with that far superior person at all so why not just settle with the one that really loves you and will care about you for the rest of your life? ME.' This song's totally awesome!", I really like the song! But the next one didn't interest me at all so I switched back to my music player. I have all of my songs played on random, so I won't know the next song that will play next. When I switched back and hit play, I heard this song by FM Static, "Defintely Maybe" (click HERE so you could listen to this song, if you haven't heard of it yet). But something hit me when the next song played. It's "Better Off" by Typecast (click HERE so you could listen to this song, if you haven't heard of it yet). I noticed the similarities between the three songs, the common message that those three songs bring about to the listeners. Come on, listen to them, I'll give you a moment (at least 'til you get to the next paragraph) to think about what that common message is.

Have an idea yet? Okay, I'll delay it no more.

Not all people... Wait, no.

Every animal has his own set of preferences, especially humans, we all know that. But not all preference could be supported by life. People can have parallel desires, but for every major desire, there is always at least one perpendicular to it. Nobody could get everything he desires without voiding another's desire. Exempli gratia,"1" could want "a", but "2" could also want "a" as much, so if "1" gets "a", that said desire of "2" of "a" could not be granted because "1" already has "a", or "a" could just simply not want "1" back, with that said, "a" wants the said desire of "1" to be void. You don't get it, do you? Well, it's okay, it's kind of an unclear explanation anyways. To make it all crystal clear to everybody, I'm talking about conflicting desires. Say, I want you, but you don't want me, instead you want him. Simple as that. I know, it happens all the time.

Specifically, I would like to emphasize on the conflicting desires when it comes to choosing your partner. Not only I, myself, is facing this kind of problem, but also other people, almost everybody, really. Now, I know that the world as we know it, is built, and meant, to be unfair, but mankind is just too stubborn to seek equality. Sometimes, I have considered providing equality to the ones who seek it, but what about equality for me? Must one give up the risk of not obtaining equality for oneself, for sustaining equality for another that seeks equality in him, considering that if he chooses to reciprocate, there'll be a great chance of satisfaction for both parties?

To break it down for most people, and to apply to my personal experiences, I, myself, has fallen to the clutches of the most destructive, and most common mental state, the rough opposite of evil ('evol', actually, you get it, don't you?), once (for quite a long time, perhaps too long), but on the way, it reciprocated, but in the form of other people. Yes, people. You heard, er, read, it right. No need to break it down for you some more, since it's already that obvious. See where I'm going with this? Going back to the common message of the three songs, you must really know what I mean here, by now.

Have you ever had a (HUGE!) crush on somebody you think you don't have a chance (I mean, NO CHANCE IN HELL, man, or so you thought) in having a successful relationship with, not even much to start with? Have you ever discovered that somebody else actually has a (huge, maybe) crush on you, either with nothing much to start with, or possesses a huge stepping stone into you but you don't (want to) really reciprocate to this (or these) person(s)'s feelings towards you? If you answered "yes" (or something close enough) to both questions, have you ever considered giving that (or any of those) somebody else a chance to get closer to you, trying to reciprocate as much as possible because you think it's the better choice?

I was trying not to think about any of those B.S.* at all then, but now that I've got this solid idea about this, and the proper inspirations for this post, I'm just going to talk about this now. And guess what, if I would've answered to all of those three questions I've just raised, I'd say "yes" to all. What about you?

Well, I just thought it's time to talk about B.S.* like that, since I'm already turning 19 in 24 days, and I've never had any actual experience at all in the actual [evil] matter (yet, I'm not really any innocent about it, or better yet, I know an F-ing lot about it already), YET.

* B.S. = Bull Sh-t

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Real serious stuff. Totally...

AWESOME.

MaFBEx 2009

June 21, me and a friend were supposed to go to the Manila Foods & Beverages Exposition 2009 at the World Trade Center. Yes, we did go, but things kind of didn't go as planned.

See, I was texting him through Chikka™ [Still the Best Way to Send Free Text Messages] (why pay for sending text messages when you can send them for free, right? LOL), about 11am, (he replies the non-cheap kind of way, texting back to my mobile phone, yes, using up SMS credits he paid for) basically we talked about the agenda for the day. Anyways, the last thing he told me in our convo was, he let me take care of deciding for the rendezvous time, while he set the point. Part of my last reply was "ETA 1 hour and 30 minutes." (it was about 1:30 in the afternoon). So I arrived at the rendezvous point a little late (3:15PM, Manila City Hall time), but he wasn't there yet. Okay, so he must've ran an unexpected errand, or something. I know for a fact that he will wait in the rendezvous point until further notice, so I went off for a while and checked out the Manila Day sale at SM Manila (damn, I just had to forget about checking the chocolates section, near the record bar), while waiting for an SMS to my mobile phone, stating that he's already at the point. Half an hour has passed (timecheck: 3:45PM) and I still haven't received a single SMS from him. So I decided to go back to the point and see for myself. He's still not there. So I decide to go to a nearby netcaf to send him a text message through Chikka again, and amuse myself while I was at it. So I did, but I still get no reply after a few minutes. But wait. I did not notice this small window that appeared right in the middle of the window after I sent further messages. It sorta said blahs about the buddy not recieving messages until the dude replies to prevent spam. So I was, "F!". I sent mom an SMS through Chikka, saying that I need her to pass me on some mobile phone credits so I could SMS the dude through my phone (yes, I was that cheap, in certain ways only, of course, I barely SMS, so I barely get my phone loaded up). Guess what, he replied in a minute saying (roughly translated to English) "it's about time, I was waiting for your response before I head off. I'm on my way now. Hehehe..." After some minutes, he texted me again that he's in the rendezvous point at that moment, so I headed off, out of the nearby netcaf. When we met up (timecheck: 4:40PM), we were thinking of the fastest way to get there (since the expo closes at 8:30pm that day, it was the last day by the way) while he was withdrawing some cash from his bank account through a nearby ATM. We ended up deciding to take the LRT 1 to Gil Puyat, then riding a jeepney to the curve near the WTC. We got there about 5:15PM. We took a look around, but there was nothing of much interest, we sort of expected the Japanese Noodles, but they weren't there, perhaps they only participate in the WoFEx (World Food Exposition) and AFEx (Asian Food Expo) later this year. We did get to eat a lot of the food samples from all the companies, even that company that makes the Vodka Cruiser! We got to sample the new Lychee flavor, which was not bad at all (but I still like blueberry, caramel mudshake, and ice, or plain vodka). We (actually, just me) only walked away with a big bag of coated green peas (timecheck: roughly 7PM). Because we found instant Indonesian mi goreng [click it to find out what it is] there, but didn't really satisfy our taste buds as much as the one we got used to consuming (which is kind of readily available in major supermarkets' international goods aisle), we walked all the way to SM Mall of Asia to get us some (don't even get me started on how many times I said the words "Tongkat Ali" [click the quoted words to find out what it is] while we were walking, LOL). Ahh, yes. SM Hypermarket's international goods aisles. But wait, no Mi Goreng? Damn it. Anyways, we ended up picking up some sweet and spicy barbecue flavored dry instant noodles (which tasted kind of close enough to Mi Goreng), a pack of 7 pieces for each one of us, and a pack of 6 of lechon paksiw flavored rice buddy for me. About 7:50PM, and it's time to head home. We walked from the mall, all the way to the nearest LRT1 station, the Libertad Station (again, I really don't know what's in this thing, but I kept on saying "Tongkat Ali" about every 5-10 minutes). About 8:40PM when we got to the station, and rode the train. About 9PM when we got to our stop, got off, and walked to our place, picking up a guitar string, and a few ice candies on the way. After we got to my ground zero, we settled down a bit, watched a little TV, then I prepared 4 out of the 7 in each of our packs for us to down in a few minutes. After we finished our food, we watched some more TV until about 12:30AM the next day, he had to leave that time since he has to go to work that day, later in the day. Much later.

So, that's about it for our "misadventures" for this year's MaFBEx. Thanks for having the patience to finish reading all this nonsense. You're totally...

AWESOME.

Watching Us Die Tonight

Before anything else, I'd like to inform everyone that the blog title is taken from the title of the bonus track from Bullet For My Valentine's latest album "Scream Aim Fire", since I can't think of a decent title. Thought of a title, yes, but I think that title sucks so I decided to not publish this with that title. Damn BFMV kicks ass!

As a kid, I think my parents inadvertedly taught me to be Niccolo Machiavelli. They taught me that the end justifies the means (he [dad] says the opposite now, but he sure as hell taught me the opposite back then), and they want the "end" to be their offspring growing up to be good & productive citizens of this country, this world as well. But even if their means are quite effective, if I do say so myself, they're also quite inhumane. Well, let's just say I was raised to like a non-human animal destined to win in a talent contest. I get a tasty treat from my "trainers" whenever I do things right, but whenever I do something wrong, well... You know what happens.

Back then (first grade?), I made a promise to myself, a promise that involves something (very) long term. The plan was to take advatage of my resources (need I explain this part?), work my ass off at school, get the F out of this house as soon as I can, be successful (in my chosen field, with Pro Wrestling* aside), and when it's their turn to be the dependents (as much as possible, them being at my turf), I'd make them "feel" what they've done to me (in a way) when I was still their dependent (with pleasure), without sacrificing the urge of just being myself, and having fun. Everything was sailing smoothly, until I started realizing shit (includes my present religious beliefs). I started to expect something I should've been receiving since day 1, something that could've restituted all those fake smiles, half-meant laughs, and self-centered and self-supplied happiness, with pure joy, bliss even, something that I was deprived of my entire life.

*FEI (For Everyone's Information): When I was a little boy, aside from being a world-renowned chef and a Five-star hotel and/or restaurant owner, and an astronaut, I also wanted to become a professional wrestler in the WWE.

All those thoughts started to crowd my brain, hence the limited thinking efficiency, which made thinking take more time, or even made me make erroneous decisions. I have officially became stupid that time, even with my "brain (cerebral) atrophy", which was caused by lack of brain-stimulating activities and educational television programming (damn, I miss the Discovery Channels) aside.

Last month, I've started working on my new plan, which involves dealing with the crappy parents until I finish my studies and get the F out of this place, and just getting over the fact that I've given more than enough chances but they still wouldn't ever change. Long term plan: check. Short term plan is just trying to matter while I'm at it. I want to be more aware of my surroundings so I don't essentially get left out. I want to be more open, I want people to not be intimidated (afraid, perhaps?) to approach me. I want to be more outgoing, trying things that I was too much of an ass to try out then. I want to make other (yes, other) people happy with what I am and what I have to offer, in any means that I could, without expecting, anything in reciprocation. I want to be who I was back in [senior] high school, minus the "I'm just going to be myself explicitly. I don't care whether you'll like me or not, period." part (with some cases taken into consideration). I've started to commit myself to this by cutting my hair short,

BEFORE
AFTER

~~~

BEFORE

AFTER

and starting this blog, but I think the real start here would be the first day of school, this semester. CAN'T WAIT! Oh, wait, I kind of forgot about the problem I've recently had. Oh well, if I was to be given another (my last, I suppose) chance, I'd sure as hell be motivated to put all these things to action.

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Woah, first post to be written completely (modified as I type, of course) in my notebook (which I'll tell you guys about later), while lying on my bed! That's so, F-in'...

AWESOME.

Waiting to Die

WARNING:

Parental Advisory

Explicit Lyrics

Let's see, I just found more crap over my bed, most probably written last year, since I haven't been writing junk like this in a long while. Enjoy.

Just don't come back
Just in case I'll be dead
Fuck all those hopes
That you gave
Tearing apart my chest

Walk away
Baby, just drop yourself dead
Fuck all those lines
WAITING TO DIE

Yes people, there is supposed to be a message behind that little piece of literary crap I've just unveiled to the world. Truth is, I don't really know what comes to mind whenever I come up with short pieces of crap like that. Something just comes over me and my hands just start to write all by itself, most likely not intending to finish what they've started (perhaps because I always aim to come up with a song, and all that I come up with are little snippets of something). I just hope I could write even just one song. Hell, I'd totally be really contented with that, as long as it satisfies my taste for music.

Damn, this day sucks. Like, totally. It sucks so much, that I don't even want to rant about it here.

I would like to thank somebody (who I can't mention here, but I think if "that person" reads this, "that person" will know that "that person" is who I'm referring to) for talking to me about my out of the ordinary super crappy day & making me feel better (not to mention, making my day; here's a song for you, by the way. I know you've heard this before, but I just want to know that I really appreciate that short conversation you've done with me, in my own small little way), and Metallica, FM Static, & Bullet For My Valentine for writing songs that not only keeps me company and entertained all the time, but also teach me about even though life sucks this much, it's still worth living without a doubt.

Without those said entities, this day wouldn't be...

AWESOME.

My First Stereo

"You used to sing me to sleep,
And always stood behind me.
You saw me off when I had to go,
My first true love was my first stereo."

That was an excerpt from the song "My First Stereo" by the band FM Static (click HERE to listen to the song on Mixpod.com), one of my favorite songs by the band. Like, seriously.

Yes, people... You heard it right... er.. read... Whatever! I remember my first portable radio... Like, wow. But that wasn't my "first love", as opposed to the said quote, but it's close enough! I've had my first MP3 player (it's really small! Like, it's dimensions are 1"x1.5"x0.3"! How small is that!) when I was in the first semester of my 2nd year in college, with my own allowance of course, and I love it! Haha! I used to sort of abuse the thing, like, I would use it in between classes, while eating, and even while I'm out with some peeps! I was using it almost all the time (classes not included), and charge it at school when it's out of juice! Hell, I could even charge the thing if I plug the thing in a computer in a shop! Charge it while swimming class is going on, and use it afterwards, the energy recovered from that 1 and a half-hour (plus pre-class and post-class showers) charge, is more than enough to keep me entertained with my music from after class, when I make my trip to (the nearby) SM Manila to get my weekly dose of black chocolate, even the whole trip until I get my butt home! I would even use the thing while it's charging here at home! I also remember all those times it broke, but it's a good thing that I knew basic stuff about electronics, so I was able to fix it myself all those times. I was abusing it that way until after early third year college, the time when I got my MP4 player (with a camera!). Since then, I was only using ye olde MP3 player as a removable portable mass data storage device (also known as a USB flash disk/drive). But since that mp4 player was a little big and heavy (WTF haha), I sort of (okay, I did, accidentally) dropped it in the toilet while I was taking a piss. I managed to fix it a bit, but it kinda got shorted out on the LCD display. So, yes, it turns on, but I need, either a new circuitboard and LCD screen and rewire everything from scratch, or just get a new LCD screen and wire it in. But I was always too lazy do do it, haha. And a new LCD screen will cost me a fortune! Plus, the battery got disconnected, from the circuit board. Pretty easy to fix, but I need to buy some lead for my (dad's, actually) little soldering iron. So, yeah, work is delayed until further notice. But despite that accident, at least I got a new phone to listen to my songs from! And yes, ye olde MP3 player stays as a removable portable mass data storage device.

Ahh, yes, good times. Bottom line is, I love this little mp3 player! My first true love IS my first ster-... MP3 player! I look forward to spending my forever with ye olde MP3 player!
xoxo (LOL)

Damn, that's so...


AWESOME.